A Lady in London

Once upon a time there lived a lady. She was adventurous and restless, and she longed to travel the world and live in far away places.

One day the lady moved to London. There she met an evil yob disguised as a charming estate agent. He showed her a lovely but cursed castle in an enchanted village called Hampstead. Not knowing she was being tricked, the lady took up residence in the charming abode. She was blissfully happy and all was well with the world.

Then one day the lady heard a loud noise. ‘What’s that?’ she asked, looking up at the ceiling. ‘It is I, the landlord above,’ thundered a deep and menacing voice. ‘Oh my!’ said the lady. ‘What is going on up there?’ ‘I am building,’ boomed the voice. ‘I will be hammering and sawing day in and day out, morning, noon, and night [including weekends]’ it continued. ‘What misfortune I have!’ cried the lady. But the noise was so loud she couldn’t hear herself.

A few days later the lady looked out her kitchen window and noticed a tree. Its long brown branches grew like spindly arms into her garden. ‘What an ugly tree,’ she thought. ‘It has no leaves.’ But then she took a closer look and noticed that in place of leaves there were small green knobs that looked like fruit. ‘Maybe it is an enchanted tree that will bear magical fruit come spring,’ she thought.

The days passed and the months wore away. The lady grew more and more deaf from the construction above as she saw the sprouting of the snowdrops, then the awakening of the crocuses. She grew more and more agitated with the constant hammering and sawing as she watched the tulips arise and the daffodils unfurl their golden trumpets. She waited patiently for the enchanted tree to bear fruit, but still it did nothing.

Then one day the noise above stopped. The lady looked around and was overjoyed to hear the sound of silence. All was well with the world again. She went to the window to see the tree, but still the enchanted fruit did not appear.

Just then the lady heard another loud noise. ‘What’s that?’ she asked, looking over at the castle next door. ‘It is I, the landlady next door,’ thundered a deep and menacing voice. ‘Oh my!’ said the lady. ‘What is going on over there?’ ‘I am building,’ boomed the voice. ‘I will be jackhammering and digging day in and day out, morning, noon, and night [including weekends]’ it continued. ‘What misfortune I have!’ cried the lady. But the noise was so loud she couldn’t hear herself.

A few days later the lady heard a knock at her door. She opened it up and saw a sinister old hag. ‘Oh my!’ said the lady. ‘What bad teeth you have!’ ‘I am English,’ replied the hag. ‘Well,’ said the lady, ‘that explains a lot.’ ‘I have come to give you a message,’ said the hag. ‘I am the landlady next door and my yob tricked you into living in this castle so that I could squeeze money out of you before tearing the walls between our castles down to create the world’s largest monstrosity! Hahahahahaha!’ she cackled, then disappeared in a puff of bad breath.

The days passed and the months wore away, and the lady scoured the land for a new place to live. She grew more and more deaf from the construction around her as she looked at castles with dirty floors, then cottages with tiny rooms. She grew more and more agitated with the constant jackhammering and digging as she searched for a home in the village and in the heath.

As the days passed, the enchanted tree finally grew leaves. She waited patiently for the tree to bear fruit, but still it did nothing.

Just when the lady was about to give up searching for a new place to live, she heard about an old castle just down the road. The picture of the building was not very pretty, and the lady was loath to look at it. But the picture disguised a beautiful old castle that the lady had seen before.

The castle’s entry way was vast and bright,

the bedrooms were fit for a princess,

the sitting room boasted of the loveliest draperies in the land,

the powder room was fitted with a luxurious jacuzzi tub,

the garden was the finest in all the kingdom,

and the study was just perfect.

The lady had found the perfect place.

And so she packed up her belongings and said good-bye to her castle. With a new place to live, she had broken the curse of the old hag and her yob. The lady said ‘farewell, and good riddance!’ to her former abode. And this time she could hear herself.

As the lady walked in peace to her new castle, she took one last look behind her to see the tree in the garden. At first she saw nothing but leaves. But then she looked again and noticed that high in the branches there was something else there. ‘The fruit!’ she cried, running back to take a look.

As she drew near the enchanted tree, it bent its spindly arms towards her. The lady looked deep into the branches. What she saw was not fruit at all, but lots of tiny roses!

‘How can this be?’ she asked. ‘Things aren’t always as they seem’ replied the tree. ‘You have broken the curse of this castle, and now justice will be served.’ And with that, the magical tree and the rose bush that grew upon its branches reached out their long arms and encircled the hag’s castle in a thicket of thorns ten meters deep. The hag and her yob were trapped inside for the rest of their days. The lady went to her larger, lovelier, and more luxurious castle and lived happily ever after.

The End (or The New Beginning)